WIUM Tristates Public Radio

Opening Act

Sep 1, 2017

This first game plays on the slang term "Netflix and Chill," where every answer rhymes with the word "chill." Then, just try to forget this mother father next game where contestants identify the movie based on the redubbed swear word.

Heard On AMA Favorites: Sex, Drugs, And Rock 'N' Roll Edition

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OPHIRA EISENBERG, HOST:

Hey, puzzle guru Art Chung.

ART CHUNG: Yeah.

EISENBERG: This week's episode is a compilation of some of our favorite games. See if you can guess the theme based on this lightning round.

OK. It's the title of Madonna's 1992 coffee-table book of erotic photos.

CHUNG: "Sex."

EISENBERG: Exactly. In "Ferris Bueller's Day Off," Charlie Sheen's character says he's been arrested, for what?

CHUNG: Drugs.

EISENBERG: Yes, indeed. And the last one - what's the only kind of music you want your daughters to listen to?

CHUNG: Steely Dan, of course.

EISENBERG: OK. I was looking for rock 'n' roll.

CHUNG: What's the difference? Take it away, Jonathan.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

JONATHAN COULTON: From NPR and WNYC, It's NPR's hour of puzzles, word games and trivia, ASK ME ANOTHER. I'm Jonathan Coulton. Now, here's your host, Ophira Eisenberg.

EISENBERG: Hey. Thanks, Jonathan.

So this week, we're going rogue. That's right. We're breaking loose and dedicating an entire episode to debauchery. It's ASK ME ANOTHER's sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll compilation episode.

COULTON: But don't worry dads and moms, this is public radio after all. So we're still keeping it totally PG.

EISENBERG: Absolutely, totally PG. Speaking of which, Jonathan, what's the craziest thing you've ever done on a date?

COULTON: A date.

EISENBERG: Yeah.

COULTON: Oh, that's funny to me. You know, I've been married for 16 years so the idea of a date - I don't even remember what that is. When we get together, it's mostly to sync up calendars.

EISENBERG: Yeah, I know what you're talking about. My husband and I don't have dates. We have meetings. We divide up chores and make lists together, while drinking Merlot.

COULTON: Yeah, that's pretty crazy.

COULTON: This is what I hear about the young people who are not married. Sometimes they get together, and they watch Netflix together. Isn't that nice?

EISENBERG: Oh, that's adorable.

COULTON: That's very sweet. In our first game we're joined by puzzle guru Art Chung as we ask our contestants Hannah Hermann and Timothy Huang to play a game called Netflix and not chill.

(SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED BROADCAST)

EISENBERG: Hannah Hermann, you started a new job today. Congratulations.

HANNAH HERMANN: Thank you.

EISENBERG: What are you looking forward to the most?

HERMANN: Proving that liberal arts degree students can actually be gainfully employed.

EISENBERG: Oh, nice.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: You're a pioneer.

HERMANN: I know.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: And what is the job?

HERMANN: So I'm working as a marketing consultant.

EISENBERG: Yes, that sounds like something you can apply a liberal arts degree to.

HERMANN: As far as I can tell, it involves writing some things.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: You don't even know what the job is, do you?

HERMANN: I don't know what my degree is.

EISENBERG: You don't know what your - yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: But somehow we've ended up here together, haven't we?

HERMANN: Yes.

EISENBERG: And Timothy Huang, you've been seeing a lot of mediocre theater.

TIMOTHY HUANG: Yeah, I have.

EISENBERG: But you like it.

HUANG: Yeah. I mean, I used to do some acting and directing in college. And it's kind of, like, fun to watch bad theater and, like, think about oh, this is how it could be not that awful.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: How much bad theater do you see on a monthly basis?

HUANG: I don't know. I probably see, like, a show a week. And, like...

EISENBERG: All right.

HUANG: ...I dislike at least half of them.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: That's very fun. That's very fun. Hannah, what is in your mind, your favorite third date activity?

HERMANN: I'm trying - I haven't had many third dates.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: Aww.

HERMANN: I'm trying to think about what my boyfriend and I did for our third date. I think my boyfriend and I went to, like, an after-hours thing at a museum. It was great.

EISENBERG: Yeah, yes. Timothy, what is your ideal third date activity?

HUANG: Cooking a meal together with someone you're, like - I think that would be a really good third date activity.

EISENBERG: Because you'll find out if you can work together?

HUANG: Oh yeah, and if the other person can cook at all, I guess.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Good for you, Timothy. So our first game is a play on the euphemism Netflix and chill...

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: ...Which, if you don't know, is a romantic invitation to do anything but Netflix and chill. Let's go to Jonathan Coulton for an example.

COULTON: Yes. So if I said, hey, baby, want to watch a movie and have a barbecue? You'd answer Netflix and grill.

EISENBERG: So every answer ends with a word that rhymes with chill. And no, we're not being paid by Netflix to do this game. But if they want to pay us, Jonathan and I will stop sharing an account.

COULTON: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: Be a lot more convenient, actually.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: I know. Your choices are weird.

COULTON: Yes, so are yours.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Buzz in - "The Notebook?" - buzz in to answer...

COULTON: It's a good movie.

EISENBERG: ...And the winner will move on to our final round at the end of the show. Here we go. Hey, baby, want to watch a movie and then draft a piece of legislation that might become a law someday?

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Hannah.

HERMANN: What is Netflix and bill?

EISENBERG: Almost. You don't have to say the what is part.

HERMANN: Netflix and bill.

EISENBERG: Yeah, there you go.

(LAUGHTER)

HERMANN: I knew that.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: Hey, baby, want to write a declaration of my wishes regarding the disposition of my property after I die?

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Hannah.

HERMANN: Netflix and will.

COULTON: Yeah, that's right.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: That's a hell of a date.

COULTON: Well, you learn a lot about a person when you do that.

EISENBERG: And at the end, one of you dies.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Hey, baby, want to eat thousands of tiny crustaceans?

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Hannah.

HERMANN: Netflix and krill?

EISENBERG: Yes, Netflix and krill.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: That's how you know you're dating a whale.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: That's one way. Hey, baby, want to watch a movie in the host country for the 2016 Summer Olympics?

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Timothy.

HUANG: Netflix and Brazil.

COULTON: Yeah.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: Sounds like a lovely first date - go to Brazil and watch a movie.

EISENBERG: (Laughter) Oh, I thought it was watching soccer hairless.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: That's two things I could think of. Hey, baby, want to bore into the earth's crust?

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Hannah.

HERMANN: Netflix and drill.

EISENBERG: Exactly.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: You know what they say, Jonathan.

COULTON: What do they say?

EISENBERG: No fracking on the first date.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: Oh, boy.

EISENBERG: (Laughter).

COULTON: Hey, baby, want to watch a movie and score zero points?

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Hannah.

HERMANN: Netflix and nil.

COULTON: Yeah, that's right.

(APPLAUSE)

COULTON: This is your last clue. Hey, baby, want to install the bottom part of a window?

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

COULTON: Hannah.

HERMANN: Netflix and sill.

COULTON: That's right.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)

EISENBERG: Today we're revisiting some of our favorite games about sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll. And what's more rock 'n' roll than censorship?

COULTON: Yes, censorship of everything - sometimes it's the lyrics. Sometimes it's the way you move your body. When Elvis appeared on "The Ed Sullivan Show" in the '50s, they only filmed him waist up because they thought his dancing was too indecent.

EISENBERG: Those were the days.

COULTON: It was too indecent.

EISENBERG: Yeah, well, we're lucky that we have a radio show because our listeners can't tell that we're not wearing pants...

COULTON: Yeah.

EISENBERG: ...Just our underwear, flip-flops and socks.

COULTON: That's right. It helps us to feel funny, although it is very drafty in this cold studio.

EISENBERG: It's true. And take it from me, kids. You can get away with so much more on radio.

COULTON: Oh, yeah. Our next game, however, is about a much less forgiving medium - television.

(SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED BROADCAST)

EISENBERG: Our first game is called Forget This Mother Father Game. And here to play it are A.J. Ventura and Pete Lambro.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Now, I don't think we've actually had this before. A.J., Pete, you guys are coworkers...

A J VENTURA: Yes, yes, we are.

PETE LAMBRO: Yes, that's right.

EISENBERG: ...Who decided to compete against each other.

LAMBRO: It's a friendly competition.

EISENBERG: It's friendly.

LAMBRO: No.

EISENBERG: Well, that's what you say Pete - A.J.?

VENTURA: I'd prefer to win. It's OK.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: Well, you both work at iN DEMAND Network.

VENTURA: Yes.

LAMBRO: Yes, that's right.

EISENBERG: And what do you do, A.J.?

VENTURA: I am a video editor for - and I make, like, a bunch of spots and all that kind of stuff.

EISENBERG: Nice - Pete?

LAMBRO: I am in IT. I fix the things he breaks.

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: All right, so this game is called Forget This Mother Father Game because when movies are aired on network television or on airplanes, salty language is often dubbed over to make them appropriate. And the results can be a bit confusing. So we're going to give you the actual edited-for-television line, and you have to tell us the movie it is from.

(LAUGHTER)

VENTURA: Yes.

LAMBRO: All right.

EISENBERG: Let's go to our house musician, Jonathan Coulton, master of music and language, for an example.

COULTON: Yes, of course. Thank you. That's a very kind thing for you to say. So if I said, in this 1996 Coen brothers film, Steve Buscemi yells, I gave simple, fruitful instructions...

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: ...That would be from the movie "Fargo."

EISENBERG: So we want the movie not the original line. And of course the winner will move on to our Ask Me One More final round at the end of the show.

In this 1986 movie about a kid skipping school, you'll hear, pardon my French, but you're an aardvark.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: A.J.

VENTURA: "Ferris Bueller's Day Off."

EISENBERG: That's right, yeah.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: The dubbers thought, you know, of all the jerks in the animal world...

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: ...Aardvarks are just notoriously...

VENTURA: They're just the worst.

EISENBERG: Yeah. As Michelle the band geek in this raunchy 1999 comedy, Alyson Hannigan shares, this one time at band camp, I stuck a flute in my mouth.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: A.J.

VENTURA: "American Pie."

EISENBERG: Yes, exactly, well done.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: That sounds like what actually happens at band camp, by the way. As Axel Foley in this 1984 film, Eddie Murphy says, this is bozo, man. And he's not talking about Bozo the Clown.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: A.J. - Pete, I'm sorry. You keep looking at A.J. like what the heck is going on.

VENTURA: He's trying to put the pressure on.

LAMBRO: He's got the buzzer technology down. I haven't cracked it yet.

VENTURA: "Beverly Hills Cop."

EISENBERG: It is "Beverly Hills Cop."

VENTURA: All right.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: Here's your next question. In this 1994 comedy about two idiots who stumbled on a kidnapping, Jim Carrey tells Jeff Daniels where he can sign to end their friendship - right on my sandwich after you kiss it.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Pete.

LAMBRO: Is it "Dumb And Dumber"?

EISENBERG: It is "Dumb And Dumber," correct.

(APPLAUSE)

LAMBRO: I got to - I got it - and so you push down.

VENTURA: You push down, yeah.

EISENBERG: You got to push down.

LAMBRO: On the button - you push the button. I got it.

EISENBERG: Yeah. What were you doing before?

LAMBRO: Couldn't even tell you.

(LAUGHTER)

COULTON: You work in IT. Is that correct?

(LAUGHTER)

LAMBRO: I'm new, yeah.

EISENBERG: In this 1987 film, Mel Gibson tells a drug dealer, now that's a real badge. I'm a real cop, and this is a real firing gun.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Pete.

LAMBRO: Is it "Lethal Weapon"?

EISENBERG: Yes, it is. Well done, yes.

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: As opposed to those guns with the little flags that come out - bang, yeah. In this 1989 Kevin Costner baseball movie, it features the line, Ty Cobb wanted to play, but none of us could stand that son of a squid.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: Pete.

LAMBRO: "Field Of Dreams."

EISENBERG: "Field Of Dreams."

(APPLAUSE)

EISENBERG: All right, this is your last clue. In this 2006 film, Samuel L. Jackson proclaims, I have had it with these monkey-fighting snakes...

(LAUGHTER)

EISENBERG: ...On this Monday-to-Friday plane.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

EISENBERG: A.J.

VENTURA: "Snakes On A Plane."

EISENBERG: (Laughter) Yes, it is. Coming up, we'll ravage the savage, and I mean interview sex columnist and host of "Savage Lovecast," Dan Savage. I'm Ophira Eisenberg, and this is ASK ME ANOTHER from NPR. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.